Keeping Your Man Happy

By Naomi Blake

(WINDSOR, ON) – I’m a woman. And I LOVE being one. I love my high heels, I love my lipstick and I love my mini skirts. So what I’m about to say is not a betrayal to my female gender and what I’m about to say is by no means an expert opinion. But I do have certain qualifications and insights to justify what I’m gonna say. How do you keep your man happy?

1. Stop nagging: honestly what is the point? Badgering him to death with your obnoxious, condescending tone till he does what you want and basically associates the sound of your voice to self hate? You get no point across by nipping and bitching at him? It actually does the opposite. He’ll eventually hate you. Ask him, whatever it is, just ask. “Take out the garbage” or “fix the faucet” and ask him NICELY 3 times. If he doesn’t do it, then do it yourself. Or hire someone. He’s clearly working his butt off to put food on the table or a lazy piece of…..*insert word* But badgering him with that high pitched ridiculous voice we all develop when we don’t get what we want, doesn’t work. My bet is he’ll feel worse seeing you lug out the hefty trash bag than if you scolded him like a 6 year old to take it out himself.

2. Man time: He needs it ok? Everyone needs “friend” time. Us women love our wine and chick flicks and painting toe nail nights. But men, they need man time. Let him have it! He just wants to chill with his buds, having a beer or two and talking about hot girls and who’s got a better burp. I knew this one woman who got mad if her husband went out with his friends and didn’t invite her. Really? Like really??? If you can’t detach yourself from him for 3 hours there is an issue on your part. Seriously.

3. Sports: Men are naturally gravitated to sports. Not all men like it but most do. Just like most women love shopping and shoes. It’s what we’re genetically disposed to. Not everyone fits in the category, but the majority does. So here’s the thing, let them enjoy their sports. It’s reality TV for them. Are you currently loving the bachelor and who he’s gonna choose and give a rose to? Same thing! Guys are wondering who’s going to be traded and for who. Which prospects are they going to pick up? Just because you don’t understand it, doesn’t make it vile. Sports ARE your ultimate reality show. Think about it. These athletes are being paid to be on live television, where they are subjected to scrutiny and mistakes. And in all honesty…they actually have talent, not just an ability to cry on cue.

4. Sex: Women use this sooo much as a pawn. “If you don’t do this I wont have sex with you”. Sex is a natural and amazing thing. It makes you feel good and reduces stress, stop making men feel like they have to earn the right to have sex with you. A woman is just as privileged as a man in getting it. Sleeping around and being filthy with anyone you meet, no, don’t do that, but when you are with one special dude, c’mon, sex is not a negotiating factor. It’s a pleasure for BOTH parties.

5. Porn/ Strip joints: Relaxxxxxxxxx!!!!!!!!!!! First, most guys don’t randomly go to strip joints. Your boyfriend/husband/fiancé/whatever is not sitting at home and being “hmmm I wanna pay to see neked” I’m sure he’d rather see you and doing a little more than just showing a little bit of nip. Thing is, most guys do it as a bachelor or buddy thing. It is a tradition of bachelor parties. Why? I have no clue. But who are we to argue the tradition of decades? And sometimes guys just want to grab a beer and see some boobies. It’s like live porn. It means NOTHING. Doesn’t mean they love you less. Doesn’t mean they want her over you, it’s a guy thing. Which brings me to the point of porn. So men watch it (women do too just most don’t admit it) but, think about it, when you watch a sad movie, do you cry? When you watch a funny movie do you laugh? And when you watch a scary movie do you get creeped out? It’s emotions generated by fictional situations! People can get aroused by watching sexual scenes. It’s human nature and there is nothing wrong with it!

6. Food: They always said a way to a mans heart is through his stomach. So true. I don’t know what it is about them but boy do they love the grub. I guess out of all my topics this is the one that is most subject to scrutiny. Not everyone loves to cook or bake. Personally, I love it. I find no greater joy than creating a meal someone likes (man or woman) but a woman isn’t defined or her relationship shouldn’t be by the delicacy of her sandwich. But if you can, if you WANT to, a great way to get a man to tattoo you in his mind is make a helluva burger. Just sayin

All and all, I’m not trying to bash the female species. I am one after all. I respect that we are in fact, different then males. I love being a woman. I love my high heels and lip-gloss and long hair and everything else about me that represents me being one. I also appreciate men, and their difference with us. They think, feel, see things all differently, and that’s why we love them.

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